Interview with Suzy Weiss
Suzy Weiss is a writer, reporter, and producer. She works for The Free Press.
10 Minutes on Salad Days
Contents
Max Raskin: I want to talk to you about salads. You love salads, correct?
Suzy Weiss: I hate salads.
MR: Really?
SW: I've never met a salad I liked. There is that Jewish tendency to put something crunchy in a salad. I don't know if it was in Kosher by Design or one of those Melissa Clark things, but why put a tortilla chip in a salad?
MR: In doing my research someone told me to ask you about salads. Have you ever written about salads?
SW: Never.
MR: Is that a joke?
SW: Who told you to ask me about salads?
MR: [Name withheld].
SW: Oh, [name withheld] and I talked about salads recently.
But if you need me to do 10 minutes on salads, I'll do 10 minutes on salads.
MR: You're a talker?
SW: Yes.
MR: Do you think you could do 10 minutes on anything?
SW: Okay here it is — I sent her this recipe for herb chicken salad over crispy rice, which is essentially a high-end Bon Appétit version of a halal cart thing with white sauce. It’s a really, really good recipe because it's like tahdig, but very herbaceous. I'm into an herbaceous salad.
You know that Family Guy sketch where they make the pizza shop salad?
MR: It’s hilarious.
SW: “…cut the tomato into thirds…one thin slice of a whole carrot. And now put it on top of the pizza box so it gets nice and hot.” It's like the salad you get from a sushi restaurant.
MR: So that gets me into my next set of questions.
SW: Perfect.
The Free Association
MR: You are a connoisseur of information. You consume massive amounts of information every day. Either for your job or it became your job because you love it. What is the primary medium through which you get information about the world?
SW: Probably through a combination of phone, laptop, and Slack. The Free Press Slack is just endless. We just have a lot of channels and it’s kind of a custom feed of what's going on in the world.
I think it's interesting because I was just always online. Maybe this is a function of working at the New York Post, but a YouTube video isn't materially different than a Wall Street Journal article, isn't materially different than a Reddit thread, isn't materially different than a post on Twitter. All of these things are just views in different packages.
MR: Do you have any must-follows on Twitter that people might not have heard of?
SW: The Perfume Nationalist Podcast — he’s Lotus Point on Twitter. I don't endorse any of these people’s views, but I think he is just sharp and funny. He would be an online, red-pill type. He's been posting a lot about the White Lotus…which I refuse to watch.
MR: How do you unplug from the torrent of stuff you have coming at you all day?
SW: Oh. So, I'll watch a YouTube video on 1.75 speed as close to my face as I can get it. And then at a certain point my hand dies out and then the phone falls to the floor and then I wake up eight hours later. I think in that part I unplug, whenever that's happening.
But there's no ceramics class, there's no grounding, there's no green juice, there's no morning meditation.
MR: What's the first thing in the morning you're looking at?
SW: Slack. I also look at Instagram Reels a lot. I don't know how much hard information it’s giving me.
But if there's a thesis of my reporting, it's that the fringes tell you something about the middle. I want to know what the weird, odd people are. Maybe they’re the early adopters or maybe they're just taking something that's infecting the culture to the logical end. So for example, I'll spend a lot of time on Chatroulette and talk to people there. Where is there a less engaged group of people than ones who are talking online to random people for an hour in the evening?
MR: Did you write about that?
SW: No, I haven't written about it. I'm trying to do a podcast called Chatroulette, The Podcast. It's just hard because the people are so similar. It's just a lot of guys, mainly younger. A lot of Army dudes, people who are deployed or who are stationed far out somewhere and just have a lot of time on their hands. But it's a mix.
Suzy, Unplugged
MR: What you do before bed?
SW: Watch YouTube.
MR: Do you really?
SW: Yes.
I mean I have a book next to me. I have a ceremonial paperback sort of floating in the bed.
MR: What is that ceremonial paperback next to you?
SW: Right now, it's Horse Crazy by Gary Indiana. And then I just got Goodbye to Berlin by Chris Isherwood at the advice of Douglas Murray.
I'm definitely going to finish Horse Crazy first because I really like it.
MR: But in all seriousness, do you have moments where you unplug?
SW: I go to coffee every shabbos with my friends in Park Slope, and that's a moment where I kind of unplug.
MR: Do you have phones there?
SW: No. Well, they don't have phones, so then I feel judged for using my phone. But then they’ll ask, "Can you look this up?"
There's a tendency with new mothers I’ve found to ask someone to look something up, but really, they just want to find someone who has said it's okay. So they’ll ask, "Can you give a baby half a Valium if they're really annoying you? Can you look that up for me?" And they don't want you to go to WebMD, they want to go deep in the bowels. “Can a baby drink formula that's been sitting out for three days? Look that up for me. Will you?"
MR: Do you have time to let your mind explore your interest in the bowels of the culture?
SW: Yeah. I just started this culture column, which I'm putting out every week. It’s a roundup of things I've been thinking about. People might not want to read 1,200 words on MrBeast, but maybe they'll want to read 400 and get my thoughts on what's happening on the Internet and what's going on that week that I think is good. My mind doesn't wander really. I feel like I'm plagued by these things. I can't help but think about trends in salads. I wish it wasn't like this, but it is.
MR: I think I'm similar to you in that we are both interested in the extremes — I think that’s why we get along so well. You know how you said the extremes tell us something about the middle?
SW: Yeah.
MR: You’re kind of avant-garde in this weird Internet world of ours.
SW: I've always loved subcultures, and I think you also love the lore like Phish. We were both at that Phish show, right?
MR: Yeah.
SW: You were there the whole run.
MR: Yeah.
SW: I only went to one, but I felt like a sociologist.
MR: But are you a member of any of these subgroups?
SW: No. I'm slightly amoral, I'm a little apolitical. I am convinced that when the world ends, it will not be with the sound of a bomb, but that of a whoopee cushion. It's just going to be ridiculous. So I just want to meet and talk to the ridiculous people who hold these convictions.
MR: What do you think happens after we die?
SW: I've been thinking so much about this lately. My colleague, Will Rahn, wrote about watching the Mets’ playoff run last year. He talks about that maybe heaven is like hitting a home run, running across third base, and all of your friends are there weeping because they get to see you again and they're so happy. I think we're all reincarnated. I don't think this is my first time here. And I also don't think that you just go to sleep and nothing happens.
MR: Do you have any religious or woo-woo practice?
SW: I mean, if you count getting off birth control, but I don't really count that.
I went to a psychic this past Saturday night. It was a horrible mistake. I would give anything to have those $60 back. I can't believe I gave that woman $60.
I'm trying to buy only single fiber clothes, but I also wouldn't call that woo-woo.
Notes on Fame
MR: What's your relationship to fame and to wanting to be known?
SW: So I went viral when I was 17.
MR: I remember that piece.
SW: It was called “To (All) the Colleges That Rejected Me.” It was a satirical piece about not getting into college and what I could have done right to get into college. Had perfect SATs, had two moms, worn a headdress to school. It was this early send up of all of the resume padding and identity engineering that went into college essays at the time. It went crazy bonkers viral. It was the most read piece for a really long time. And I went on the Today Show. I mean look, I wasn't a child star, but I was 17 and I was on a really highly rated morning show.
MR: You were very poised.
SW: I blacked out. I don't remember a word of that. That was a true fight or flight thing. I was so scared.
MR: Do you want to be recognized when you walk down the street?
SW: No, I’d rather be rich.
MR: I think you have the talent to be a dominant comedic cultural force. Do you want that or no?
SW: Like a Nora Ephron?
MR: Yes.
SW: Of course I would want that, but I don't think I have that dog in me. I think the dog in me is like a poodle-mix.
MR: No, no — I think you really have it.
SW: That dog?
MR: Yeah, I do.
SW: Thank you.
MR: I want to ask you about your writing process. How do you actually do it? Do you draft things first in the Notes app, for instance?
SW: I feel so famous that you're even asking me this question.
I'll write things down as they happen.
MR: Where do you actually write them?
SW: On my Notes app. I'm a huge eavesdrop…I've gotten yelled at on the train for looking over shoulders at peoples’ phones. It happens once a week. But this morning, a woman was typing into ChatGPT, "Happy birthday, Mary. May God continue to bless you. May you live life to the fullness. Enjoy every second, each breath you take." And she put that into ChatGPT and it corrected it, and it made it really sterile, "Happy birthday, Mary. May God or Spirit continue to bless you and may you live life to the fullest." And she had written live life to the fullness, which I think is so much better.
MR: How many notes do you have on your Notes app?
SW: Haven’t you seen the Girls Notes App meme?
MR: Are each of your notes titled?
SW: I have one called Ideas for Column — “eavesdrop of the week,” “prayer is a huge part of this administration,” “‘societal’ is the worst word,” “my body worker, Terrance”…I heard someone say it and I thought it was so funny. I mean, not all of these are hits…
MR: What other lists do you have?
SW: I have bank passwords, I have a read list, I have a watch list, I have an eat list…I guess it's by verb. One is just called Bagel Store. I have no idea what's going on there.
MR: How many notes do you have?
SW: 702 in one and 300 in another.
MR: That's a lot.
MR: And then what software do you use when you actually sit down and write?
SW: I use Google Docs for everything.
Instead of using a note, I also text myself a lot.
MR: Do you do voice notes at all?
SW: No. I really find voice notes, like WhatsApp, to be a deeply Israeli way of communicating. And I mean that in a bad way.
MR: If you look on your phone right now, do you have any fun apps that you like using a lot that people might not have heard of?
SW: “The rise of girl autism.” Girl autism is huge.
We got an unused Sam Harris meditation app floating around here. I have the New York City Marathon app because I love to track people when they run. I recently disabled location sharing with everyone I know because I think that's just weird. Do you share your location with anyone?
MR: Just with my brother
SW: Oh, I've the Mr. Softee app. It tells you where in the city Mr. Softee trucks are. It's highly inaccurate because really, it's like a firefly. They happen upon you and you just have to really appreciate it when they do.
Embarrassment of Riches
MR: Can you tell me what your screen time is?
SW: Do you want to know my weight? Jesus Christ.
MR: No. Why — do you think they’re equally embarrassing to ask?
SW: I don't think it's embarrassing to ask someone their weight.
MR: You don't?
SW: Not if it's a good one.
Daily average two hours, 27 minutes.
MR: It can't be that low.
SW: It’s like how I don't have a TV and people think, “Oh, she must be out smelling the cherry blossoms.” My computer is up in my face every second of my life. I just watch TV on the computer.
I look at my health app to see how many steps I have.
MR: What's your average daily steps?
SW: Okay. Now let's get into it. Do you want to know how much money I make?
MR: Yes. It's really hard to embarrass you.
SW: It'd be really hard to embarrass me. No one can embarrass me more than I've embarrassed myself.
MR: But you draw a line somewhere. If I asked you how much money you make, would you answer that?
SW: Yeah, I make [says the amount], but I also have equity.
MR: Are you okay with me putting that in there?
SW: I don't know. I have to think about it, but probably not — only because then it'll be online.
I was just at a singles event that was literally insane. At a certain point, this girl came up to me and said, "How are you?" I'm like, "I'm good. How much money do you make?" And then I turned to the guy next to me and I go, "How much money does your watch cost?" And I tried it on.
MR: When we have people over for dinner and I want to break the ice I ask people how much money they make and how much, if anything, they stand to inherit from their parents.
SW: We’re really cut from the same cloth because when I was at Bari’s house last time, I made everyone say their goal weight, whether their parents are in love, and the largest sum of money they had spent in the last six months and what the number was.
MR: What's the largest amount of money you spent in the last six months?
SW: Excluding rent, probably these earrings I got made for myself.
MR: Do you collect any things?
SW: I used to be a huge collector. I used to collect snow globes. I used to collect watches. I used to collect sunglasses.
MR: What's the first watch that comes to your mind right now that you collected?
SW: A Mickey Mouse watch.
MR: Where do your headphones come from?
SW: These are like the classic podcaster headphone. Sony Dynamic Stereo. They say “professional” on the side.
MR: Are you into gear?
SW: No. I hate gear. I hate tactical things. I hate pants with zippers. I hate nylon.
MR: What about alcohol?
SW: I've been drinking Fernet lately.
MR: I love Fernet. Fernet with Coke.
SW: Fernet and Diet Coke.
SW: I love Lillet on ice. I kind of overdid it on the dirty gin martinis.
Today’s Show
MR: Do you nap during the day?
SW: No, but I'll get really tired if I'm nervous.
MR: If you're nervous?
SW: Yeah. If I'm really nervous for something, my body's like, "We're shutting off."
MR: Do you get stage fright ever?
SW: Yeah. Crazy. I pinch the side of my stomach with my forefinger and my thumb as hard as I can almost until I draw blood.
MR: For what purpose?
SW: To make all of the nerves go to one place.
MR: Does it work?
SW: It kind of works because you're just like, "Ow, ow, ow." And then you do it and that's fine.
MR: What's the most nervous you've ever been before something?
SW: I've hysterically cried in the middle of a history class when I've had to get up and read something.
MR: What about now that you're in the world of media? Let's just say you were going to go interview Douglas Murray in front of 200 people, would you be nervous?
SW: Yes, but not that nervous because that's a nice crowd. The most nervous I’ve ever been in my life was probably before I went on the Today Show.
Bari and Sororal Piety
MR: I want to talk about Bari a little bit…
SW: …who’s Bari?
MR: Do people try to get to her through you? Is that a frequent occurrence?
SW: Yeah, but I have a system now to protect our relationship. I’ll tell people to email me whatever they want, and I will put it on her assistant’s desk, and they'll deal with it because I can't be in the business of asking her for favors all the time.
MR: Do you think there's something to birth order?
SW: I think there's everything to birth order. I think it's probably the only thing.
MR: You’re the last, right?
SW: Yeah, I'm number four.
MR: How often do you talk to your other siblings?
SW: We're in communication a lot.
MR: But how often do you talk to Bari and Nellie?
SW: Like once every four minutes.
MR: The email thing creates boundaries, right?
SW: It's not a matter of boundaries, so much as I don't want my day to be playing telephone for other people, and I also don't want to make any promises that she can't fulfill.
But actually, I'm learning to be really direct. Someone the other day asked if we could get someone on the podcast, and I said, “Absolutely not. Under no circumstances." I didn’t ask for a pitch or a one-pager. I said, "No, that's not going to happen, ever." People are a little bit taken aback by that, but it's freeing.
MR: It is.
SW: I don't do group trips — bachelorette trips, group trips to Israel — whatever it is. Someone will tell me there’s this trip. I'm like, "Oh, I'm good."
"But let me tell you the date."
"No, no, it won't matter."
"Oh, do you have something going on?"
"No, I don't want to go. I'm not doing that."
MR: Do you feel that way about dating? Do you say no a lot when it comes to dating?
SW: I've started saying no.
MR: Do you use the apps?
SW: No, I'm off the apps.
MR: That’s better.
SW: I’ve never had luck with the apps in the past, so I'm taking myself off the hook.
MR: I want to be known on the record that I set you up with my brother because I want you to be my sister.
SW: But did you think we were actually compatible?
MR: There was enough there.
SW: But enough for you is two beating hearts, two Jewish faces.
MR: Has your Jewish practice evolved over time?
SW: It's definitely evolving. I think I just dislike going to shul.
MR: In the Orthodox world women don’t really have to go to shul in the same way men do.
SW: But they do where I come from.
Iced Coffee, Spindrifts, and Ozempic
MR: What do you drink throughout the day?
SW: I start my day with an iced coffee with a splash of whole milk that I get from this guy Javier, who lives in this cart on the corner.
MR: Are you particular about what kind?
SW: Iced. It has to be iced and it has to be with a plastic straw from the top. I hate those sippy cup lids from coffee shops, so I'll walk out and then I get my coffee from Javier.
So I’ll come to the office and around 4:00 P.M. I’ll think, "Oh my God, I have a headache. This is crazy." And it’s because I haven't drank water for three days. Then I'll get some water.
We're a Diet Coke family at The Free Press. That and Spindrifts.
MR: Which ones do you like?
SW: We do the lemon or the raspberry lime and then the squeeze of lemon. I prefer a squeeze of lemon one and then probably I'll have another coffee and then hopefully a glass of wine.
MR: Do you snack throughout the day?
SW: No, I'm on Ozempic.
MR: So you don't snack at all?
SW: I don't eat at all.
MR: Because you don't have an appetite?
SW: Food doesn't occur to you. But you know the side effects from Ozempic are insane.
MR: What are they?
SW: Being confident, being hot. Everyone hits on you. You're so pretty. You never believed how good you could have looked. I mean, people need to know before they get on this medication what it can do to your life.
Maxes
MR: You have a similar mind to mine. When you hear something, you make an association and if you have a joke or a comment, it just comes out. That's how your mind works. There's a theatrical element to it.
How do you turn that off? Or are you not interested in turning that off?
SW: I think we both probably have this — I'm a performer and I almost want people to say, "Oh my God, I can't believe she said that." Or, "She's so shameless. She asks people how much they weigh or what their goal weight is." And I'm happy to be the class clown if everyone has a memorable night and has fun. I actually think that's a good trade-off.
Where I think it's not a good trade-off is where you don't actually know how you feel or felt about an experience because you are too busy doing a song and dance the whole time.
MR: The piece that changed my entire view of you as a person was the thing you wrote about Max.
SW: Yes, Max Chiswick; it’s the most important piece I’ve written.
MR: That showed a depth…I think you're the best writer at The Free Press and it's not even close.
SW: You’re crazy but thank you.
MR: You’re a very American writer. If I had to make a bet on anyone from The Free Press enduring as an American writer, it would be you.
SW: Yes, I feel very American.
Somnia Dentata
MR: Do you do therapy?
SW: Yes, I do therapy.
MR: What kind?
SW: Talk. I met this woman and I really liked how she was in the world so I asked for the name of her therapist. That’s how I met this guy, Kevin. First of all, a lot of young women are becoming therapists who shouldn't become therapists. I think they have Stockholm syndrome and are obsessed with their own therapists and then want to merge with them.
What I love about my therapist is we'll talk through a problem and then I’ll ask how he got to the solution. Instead of what I hear a lot in the therapeutic ether, which is “self-care,” “setting boundaries,” “loving yourself.” He would say, "Oh, well, you just have to accept that God loves you."
MR: Do you analyze your dreams?
SW: I dream every night. I've never done dream analysis. I'd love to do it.
MR: Do you keep track of your dreams?
SW: I used to and then I lost the journal. So now someone at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor knows that I had a dream where all my teeth lined up and went down the back of my throat once.
MR: What do you think that means?
SW: Teeth is usually keeping a secret, something is unsaid. Something you want to say. My teeth fall out a lot in my dreams.
MR: What's unsaid?
SW: I mean, I had that dream years ago. I haven't had a teeth dream in a while.
MR: You could have brought up any dream and you brought up that one.
SW: Another dream I had is that I'll borrow a dress from someone and then I'll get my period in it.
MR: But why did you break up the teeth dream?
SW: That's just my most reoccurring one, I think. Weird things happening in my teeth. My teeth turn to rubber, and they fall out. Or things just start crunching and it's my teeth.
I don't know what I'm leaving unsaid, probably a lot.
MR: I guess this is my broader question, which is how do you turn that performance side off? Presumably when you're with your sister it’s not on.
SW: No, Bari brings it out in me more. All I want to do is make Bari laugh.
MR: So who is someone who doesn't bring it out in you?
SW: When I'm with someone who doesn't speak English that well, I can kind of relax. Because they're not going to get it. Or when I'm with a baby.
MR: Do you feel it’s energizing when you're with a big group of people or not? Afterwards do you have to sleep for a little while?
SW: I don't know. It doesn't resonate that I would need to take a big rest after.
You asked about Max — the weirder I was the more entertained he was. He did not want me to tamp it down. I think a lot of people are like, "Whoa, cool it." And that was a very good quality he had.
MR: I think you have the same instinct that I have, which is to go as far as you can.
SW: Of course. But have the people still love you.
David Sedaris and the Uber Driver
MR: Do you try to make your parents laugh?
SW: David Sedaris wrote about this — that getting his mother to laugh at the dinner table was the greatest thing ever. And my dad thinks I'm funny, which is one of my life's greatest accomplishments.
MR: But is there anyone who you don't try to make laugh?
SW: No. I make myself laugh. I'll be on the phone in an Uber, and I'll ham it up to try and get the Uber driver to laugh.
MR: Do you like stand-up comedy?
SW: I really do. I would never do it.
MR: Why wouldn't you ever do it?
SW: Too scared. Scaredy-cat. Also, it's just like there's not enough money in it.
MR: But you'd be phenomenal at it.
SW: Thank you.
MR: What were your top three songs on Spotify last year?
SW: “Murder on the Dance Floor” by Sophie Ellis Baxter, “Alone,” Kim Petras & Nicki, and “Prada” by Cassö, Raye, and D Block Europe. All of these are hyper-pop, female, rap, R&B.
MR: When you interviewed with the Post did you get asked about headlines?
SW: No. The headlines were done by a collective of exactly who you think is writing New York Post headlines. It's them.
MR: Is that their job?
SW: It’s just a few of the older editors who are just really good at it.
MR: Do you think they use ChatGPT now to get ideas?
SW: No.
MR: Even to get ideas?
SW: I don't think so.
MR: Do you use ChatGPT to get ideas?
SW: I don't use it to get ideas. I use it to look stuff up.
MR: What were the old guard editors like?
SW: Everything you need to know about my time at the New York Post happened after my first assignment, which was to go to the Coney Island Aquarium and report on it, which I did. I came back and in my copy that I filed, which is measured in inches at the New York Post (an inches is 35 words) I had used the word “nevertheless” and was told by one of the older editors, "Cool it, Hemingway." So that's what it was like.
MR: Did you ever read anything about writing — like E.B. White?
SW: I have those books, but no, I never read them.
MR: How did you learn how to write so well?
SW: John Mulaney has that amazing bit about the New York Post, which is getting the news from someone who got their news from somebody else. So “cut an elegant figure” is that you're well-dressed, “well-heeled clientele” means rich people eat there.
MR: But you write short sentences, which means you write well.
SW: Yeah. I love a longie and then two shorties.
MR: Jonathan Rosen said you have a voice.
SW: That is the nicest thing. His book was the best thing I'd read in the last five years.
MR: What's the last TV show you binged?
SW: Severance, Love on the Spectrum.
MR: What did you think about Severance?
SW: I thought it was so brilliant.
Neue Freie Presse Conference
MR: So I want to end the interview just with a free association. I'm going to say a bunch of things that are disjointed and I want you to respond.
The Backstreet Boys.
SW: Oh, sort of like low-rise, pleather pant.
MR: When did you come of age musically?
SW: Still waiting for that to happen for me.
MR: But the music of your childhood is when?
SW: My sister really loved Amy Winehouse. And then we both got obsessed with Lady Gaga. So probably Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster.
MR: What's the first movie that comes to your mind right now?
SW: Gone With the Wind, even though I've never seen it.
MR: Who's the first actor that comes to your mind right now?
SW: Jennifer Aniston.
MR: The Grateful Dead.
SW: Phish.
MR: And what do you think about Phish and the Grateful Dead?
SW: I think that they're ecosystems and they're just a place where people go to put their energy.
MR: But you do not consider yourself a part of that subculture?
SW: No. I respect it, but it's not for me and I'm not of it.
MR: What is for you and what are you of?
SW: New York.
MR: Do you feel you'll ever leave here?
SW: I hope not. I hope I die on the Upper West Side.
MR: How many kids do you want to have?
SW: Six.
MR: What do you want to be religiously?
SW: More religious than I am.
MR: The Sopranos.
SW: Shooting. Shooting noises. Bang, bang.
MR: Nora Ephron?
SW: Genius.
MR: When I say that you're going to be our generation's Nora Ephron, what does that do to you?
SW: It makes me feel red. It makes my chest sort of shrink.
MR: But does that resonate? If I were to say you're our generation'sJohn Coltrane, that's just moronic.
SW: Correct.
MR: But if I say you're our generation's Nora Ephron…do you see what I'm saying?
SW: It's like the Lena Dunham line — who is really our generation's Nora Ephron…
MR: No.
SW: You're insane if you don't understand that she's one of the greatest artists alive. I mean, if not, the greatest artist alive. What she did to the medium. She did so much we hate her. We can't even look at what she's given us because it's just so big and it changed things so bigly. She's the first ugly woman ever be on television. How can you not stan that queen? But she talks about in the first episode of Girls that even if she's not a voice of her generation, maybe she can be a voice of a generation.
MR: I think you have the voice of our generation.
SW: You're absolutely insane.